omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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