I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
