The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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