my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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