I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
