I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
