I faked an abortion last night.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
