It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
me + whiskey = a bad person
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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