i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
