Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When are your genitals available?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
