That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
