never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
