i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
