Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we made out on top of his cat.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
