she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
