I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
