Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
