I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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