fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
