i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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