I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
