so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
