Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
