so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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