I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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