remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
