haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
