would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
