toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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