on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
