Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
