i just wanna soil my oats bro
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
