I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
