You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
