And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
