Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
