you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
