i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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