did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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