its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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