Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
