So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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