i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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