Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
