the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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