and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
