i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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