I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
