so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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