wakey wakey hands off snakey
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you win again, gameday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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