Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As shirtless as possible
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
