i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
