My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
