I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My feet surprised me
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