I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
