yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Your penis caused this!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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