dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
